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18 September 2007 @ 15:17
How to pay for a kazoo  

It's getting to be that time of year when I need to start shopping for kazoos again. I need about fifty of them this time around, so rather than going and cleaning out the entire inventory at Long and McQuade or the Royal Conservatory store, I thought I'd have a look online. Musician's Friend doesn't sell kazoos in bulk, but they do sell individual ones. The startling thing about their catalogue, though, is that apparently they offer an installment plan for everything:

Hohner kazoo
$1.25 -or- $15/mo.

I guess that would be fifteen dollars a month over a period of... two and a half days? Depending on how much the down payment is, of course.

Merlemerle_ on 18. September, 2007 19:22 (UTC)
They must be taking hints from the mortgage crisis: start people off at an incredibly high interest rate rather than a low one.

What surprises me even more are the two comments indicating the use of a kazoo in death metal. I have heard a decent sampling of death metal, and I have heard kazoos before. Unless this is a particularly bizarre kazoo, the sounds seem quite incompatible to me.
Q. Pheevr: Bassq_pheevr on 18. September, 2007 19:30 (UTC)

One does wonder whether the user going by the name BloodyMurderOfDeathFromHell666 might not be pulling one's leg with this comment:

This Kazoo is perfect for my gothic murder band. It nails the gory, violent, mobid, dark and evil sound I'm looking for right on the head. It makes our music heavier. We've gotten many compliments on how brutal we sound with our kazoo.

I'm no metal aficionado, but I have trouble seeing how a plastic kazoo could make a "goth murder band" sound "heavier." (A depleted uranium kazoo, maybe....) Still, it's amazing what you can do with proper amplification, so who knows?

Merlemerle_ on 18. September, 2007 19:38 (UTC)
It does seem likely that it was a joke. Much like the first review on Amazon of the children's book "The Story About Ping", which complains that it does not cover ICMP packet structure sufficiently.

It could be used in some sort of death metal skit. Have someone merrily skip onto the stage blowing a kazoo, and then the band members bash and club him with their guitars. It would really put the "death" back into death metal.
Vizcachachillyrodent on 18. September, 2007 19:50 (UTC)
I find it reassuring that each man, woman and child - no matter his financial means - can own a kazoo (if he has proper credit).

Don't have $1.25? Sign up for our easy credit terms! Next, RentAKazoo will be charging predatory prices to lease used kazoos to low-income musicians.

Should I already know why this is kazoo season? Down here, it's still ocarina season until November 1.
Tishiewahooweena on 18. September, 2007 22:42 (UTC)
I love you. This saved me from having to make some sort of ocarina post.
Q. Pheevrq_pheevr on 23. September, 2007 21:03 (UTC)

We don't have ocarina season here; I think ocarinas are a protected species. Anyway, the kazoos are for the phonetics class I'm teaching. A kazoo makes a cheap but effective pitch extractor; you talk into it, and what comes out is the intonation contour, shorn of all its segmental specifics.

frogofthelakes on 18. September, 2007 20:40 (UTC)
LOVE this.
(Anonym) on 18. September, 2007 22:52 (UTC)
Elizabeth Z
Possibly useful -- for large numbers of "musical instruments", sneer quotes fully intentional do not buy anything that you expect to have predictable pitches or pitch relationships, check out Oriental Trading Company at www.orientaltrading.com My friends who need kazoos and jingly things by the dozen are very happy with them. And you could have a gross of kazoos for the installment price with some change left over. (Oh, and avoid the slide whistles too.)